Out With The Old.....IN WITH THE NEW! OK!

I know that there has to be a few good men left in NYC. For the past year I have been focused on my career and have fallen into a rut with the same guy for the past four years.  For me it was simple....it was easy. We kept both of our lives separate and when we had time for one another we got together. I connected with him like I had with no other. I didn't have to go out to bars, parties or boring first dates. Him and I were past the interview stage and for me it was simple. But it was never a relationship. It was all about convience. I think we both knew it but were content with the natural progression. But last week put the nail in the coffin when I had thew worst BIRTHDAY PARTY! I decided to incorporate the two worlds and lets just say it begun all wrong....Half of my guest did not show up and the other half was...well...lets just say it was not a good look for me. I should have known better to cancel my party prior due to the fact that my day had started off all wrong. My mother and I got into a fight and everything seemed to go down hill from there. By the time the party started I was drunk, stressed and overwhelmed. Needless to say my fantastic Mad Men Party turned into me going MAD. At the end of the night I kicked everyone out including my lover and his friend. My best-friend said I reminded him of Marlena Dietrich when I told everyone to leave! Maybe I was being dramatic but for me the night was dramatic. After I kicked everyone out I vowed two things....never through another party and to never speak to him again. So far so good.....I realized I was with him because I was not happy with myself....I thought maybe no one else could give me what he gave me (In the bedroom) BUT I MUST BE WRONG. Last week I felt broken...now I feel as though things are coming together and I have a date this week! Trying something new....letting go of the old.

Time for a fresh start. So long to those memories of walking around the west village looking for bar to have a drink on our weekday dates. Goodbye those rainy afternoons. Its funny the men I date never realize what I meant to them till after I am gone. So universe please send me a guy with a GOOD HEART and who is not selfish but selfless! ALSO PLEASE CAN HE BE OVER 6'3" and kind of looks like Ryan Gosling!